Church
I dont know man it just feels disingenuine. Everyone's dressed up like just another pretty pen.
Outside we're eating mud, inside we drink the blood, thinking we feastin' real good, while we're actually just chewin' cud.
Theres just a certain irony, like those squeaky doors are cryin- see-.
No sin inside- outside only perfection, if that child starts whinin' get ready for some correction.
This is our father's house, not just some manor. Its a place to relax, have joy and love, not to watch your manners.
"put some respect on his name, no hats allowed." He calls us to shine a light for his name, not cover it with a cloud.
He calls for us to leave it all behind, to come to him as we are, he loves us for more than we're worth, even with all the scars.

I remember a time all the way back in middle-school, just started youth-group- and was feeling so cool. When we started worship I figured it was more of the same, turns out it was a place where we could lose all our shame. Dancing, singing, goofing off with friends- I would give anything to spend those years again. A place where we could be open, where God's truth was spoken. That basement had a freedom that I yearn to see again, but after all these years I have barely even caught a glimpse.

He can set us free, pure joy for you and me, but here we sit and plead, acting like free men- with shackles on our feet.
I don't like the modern definition of church, a place to worship instead the place where we worship the one who blood purchased.
I'm tired of just seein the worst, trying to find joy in place thats steeped in hurt.
You know I love the church, the people not the place, where we are face to face, remembering the one who made us.
Why does it feel so fake, despite the face to face, behind the masks that we make, forgetting why he came and saved us.
Strength made great in weakness, yet we spendin all our weekends, just hiding all our defects.
Can we go back in time, to when churchest were just outside, spending quality time, with the one who changed our lives?
Lets go back to that purity, of sharing our impurities, praying to open our eyes to see, how he uses our lack of purity.
His majesty, it flashes me, blinding to the surroundings so his light is all I see.
I scream
"how could you love me? Im broken dirty scarred and running from the light you bring! You are above me! Dont come bending down all acting like its nothing."
These words I say, these chains I made, all to keep me away from you. But you were far more than I could ignore, standing me up and saying "I love you". Then eyes full of pain, I run back again, scared of doing the things I was made to. Again and again, he holds out his hand beckoning saying "you're made new"
His love is worth more than we can ignore, so I sit here and say "just be you".
What I'm trying to say, is stop being a slave to this world that wont see you. And come to the love thats more than enough, and trust in the God that made you.

I want to say but i just dont know how to get the message across that everyone in this church is a sinner and is no better than you. Stop reaching for goals that are too lofty, and come back down and look all around at these people who want to just see the real you.


Theres more that i want to say but i dont know how, theres just emotion inside that I want to let out and the blog just isnt the right thing to show it. Fuck